My Inability to Choose... Or Should it be My Indecisiveness?

So. How to start. Once I post this, I can't take back what I've said. But I can, because it's the Internet. How to format the text, how to say what I want to say without rambling but still being eloquent in my 'language-speak'.

I want to write a book.

Jumping right in.

I've probably already said that.  But, in echoing myself, I want to write a book, and have that be a physical copy with binding and the lovely paper smell and for people to pick it up in bookstores in a YOLO moment, or maybe because they heard about it though a friend whose cousin read it.

But, I just can't.  I can, but there are things stopping me.
This isn't even what I wanted to talk about in this post.
But I'll tie it in.

I wrote the prologue on the topic I really, truly, am interested in. I have to go and look back at it.

So I just spend 10 minutes editing...

When I write something, for my own enjoyment, that is, I am never really satified with it.  When I look back, I find myself saying, "THIS IS TRULY AWFUL". So, in my efforts of writing and publishing a book, I go back and erase all I have done.  Now, those efforts are kind of halfhearted, for I do have a life... and school... mostly school... but I am stilly trying.

I want to accomplish so many things in my life.  Most of them irrational.

1. Write for a living (or at least be published)
2. Become a musician professionally (not practical at all)
3. Travel the world (not on either of the salaries listed above is THAT going to happen)
4. ???

I don't know. There's probably more.

AND NOW I'VE COMPLETELY STRAYED OFF OF MY INTENDED TOPIC.

I want to do so much, and yet I don't want to choose. Like, for example, college. A long way away for me, but I will have such a hard time choosing a college, then my major.  URG.  LIFE, IT MOVES TOO FAST.

Some brain candy for you all to digest and ponder upon.

Thanks for putting up with an impromptu post.

Only a Short Update

Hello All Out There,

This will not be a full post, so if you get bored with updates, I suggest you click away now. PLEASE DON'T, though.

So, I want to do a lot of things with this blog.  Being part social experiment, part me ranting, and part my introduction to social medias, I have a lot of things to talk about and share with you.  Now, social experiments only work if a lot of people are reached by them, so spread the word!

I have a lot of posts in the making at the moment, I just need to find the TIME to write. (Future post topic.)  But, we'll get to that later.  This week, I have decided to conduct a little experiment of my own in the real world concerning homework and school. Hopefully it all works out, and in a couple of weeks, my data will be ready to process over spring break. That is, if I'm not touring colleges... Ick.

I realize you all WAIT ANXIOUSLY on the EDGE OF YOUR SEATS for me to reappear, (just kidding), and I wanted to just give you a little timeline of what is happening in this crazy mind of mine, and coming through my bipolar computer to you.

Some more posts (hopefully) soon.

Here as always,

Moi

Infinities

Way up here in the corner...


Greetings once more, my WWW Companions!

(Note: If you didn't know this, and I hope dearly you do, www. stands for World Wide Web)

It's been a long time, if I may dare say.  Or a short time.  Depends on how you look at it. Time is all relative. So is space, I assume... (for your midnight questioning the meaning of life thoughts...)

I have been wanting to come back for some many days now, but I wanted to save the second of our saga for a delectably daring topic. Or just one that was interesting and suited me for longer than the seconds it took me to pull up the tab.  Whichever way you choose.

Music is a HUGE part in my life. I play piano, violin, dappled a little on the cello, and I sing.  Thankfully, I have amazing parents who have shuttled me to various lessons and payed those bills for ten years!

I also love to read. LOVE. It's close to infatuation. My mom brought home 30 new books yesterday from her library at work, all on my to-read list from Goodreads. (Awesome website; check it out)

Let's combine the two.

I recently read The Perks of Being A Wallflower, which I loved. I would highly recommend, though be warned: It is a bit intense. But I just love Charlie's character, and my heart aches that he has so much going on and he doesn't even realize the meaning of half of his life events. He is so innocent and akward, and I hope people like him exist in real life. Just minus all the bad experiences. Wouldn't wish those on anybody.

So, on with this story. I was playing the piano, just a few minutes ago (tada! Here comes where I get inspiration!).  I never really see my hands playing, and this bothers me.  Well, I see them, just not at the same time, and you aren't really watching them, you're watching the keys (which I don't do! Fine, maybe I do a little.... everybody does, though it is not PROPER PIANO ETIQUETTE).
I have a window next to my piano, so I was watching my hands through the window.  This was amazing for me, because I never have really seen myself play before. So I was mesmerized, and messing up of course. But I did my best, and continued through, all the while staring at my hands reflected magically in the glass.
My hands had a sort of second reflection above them, lighter and more translucent, and seeing them move was unreal. It was sort of like I wasn't connected to these hands. They were someone else's.
Not to mention I was playing my favorite song (that I can play), Waltz in A by Brahms.
I looked back over at just the end, and the feeling I wasn't attached to my hands remained. I just looked down, and I felt the most beautiful feeling in the world.
I wasn't playing; I was enjoying.

I love it when this happens.
And to tie it back into Perks, you know when Charlie, Sam and Patrick are driving home from the homecoming party and Sam stands in the back of the pickup in the tunnel?
Charlie says he feels infinite.
I love that, and I just experienced that today.

It feels as if the song will continue forever, and you will continue playing it forever, and the moment will never end. And the best part: you would be HAPPY. Just happy. Playing and enjoying for the rest of your life.

                                                     Until next time, though I don't know when that will be,
                                                                         Me, Myself, and I, in our Infinince.



Please, I want to know if you have ever felt this infinity feeling. I am so grateful to you for trying out our little experiment.  I don't know how many just flipped to the next blog before reading my words, but congrats if you stuck it out.

A Beginning (of a sort)

Well, hello, Internet Friend.

I hope you're out there. Though, I guess it dosen't really matter.

I had this whole thing sorted out in my head, and, as goes for most of my spur of the moment ideas, I get stuck at the beginning of typing.

This won't be something that tells good mottos, or stories of past lives (what past lives???), or DIY projects, or advice for people who turn to the Internet for that sort of thing (don't worry, I'm with you).  I just want it to be average, hence the name.  Except, I hope it won't be average. I wish that it will turn into something inspiring and extraordinary. But, let's face reality.  Don't take me for being a spoil sport, I just don't know how many people will actually wander across this little white page filled with my thoughts turned digitized letters.

I wonder many things about you, Internet Friend.  Where are you in the world? Are you even from this world (I'm not that weird...)? I wonder what you wonder about me.  What do you think about? How old do you think I am? What do you think the point of this is?  Is this interesting to you?  Do you think I'm intellectual, or just vying for attention? Hmmm?


If you're still with me, thank you for making it this far, and try to stay with me while I meander through my rambling way of writing.


In many ways, I'm like daVinci. But, in so many ways, I'm NOT.  I have his distraction and crazy ideas thing down, that's for sure. Fantastical little whims that are left unfinished, check. But, I'm not good at art, or architecture, and I definitely never go grave-digging.

I'll try to keep this little adventure going for awhile; give it a chance.  I'm not sure how long it will last, but you never know.  Maybe a career will come out of it someday. Writing, I mean.

I've tried writing books before, and I never get too far. It's not that I don't like to write, I actually love that part of it.  I just hate beginnings. I have to trick myself into thinking it's not the beginning, that I'm writing in the middle of a plot. Which is why I like the book I'm working on right now. You could say it kind of goes along with this blog.  It's a real-life book, at least that's what I'm calling it now.  Just telling people about life, and sharing experiences that others have probably had. An experiment, of sorts, to see how much in common people of all different backgrounds have.  This, I suppose, is what I'm going to use to decide whether to continue.  If you Internet Friends like this blog, then hopefully I can assume that all my Book Friends will like my novel.

So, let's try it out. Here goes.